Love based, not needs based relationships.

What I learnt today is that most marriages are based on needs instead of love. There may be love in the marriage, but the marriage is fundamentally based on needs instead of being based on love.

People have forgotten that love is about other and not about self. Yes there has to be self love, but that is not what we are talking about here. In this post we are discussing love in relationships and marriages.

If your relationship is based on needs, "what about me" and not on love, it is certainly almost always doomed to failure. You will constantly be comparing what you are putting in to what you are getting out. You will never perceive your needs as being fully met.

 According to Tom Campbell and his trilogy "My big TOE", with TOE being an acronym for Theory of everything, marriages should be love based and not at all needs based, and the initiative should be taken by the men in the relationship. The man should do whatever it takes to make his wife happy and any problem that she may have is his responsibility to make right. Nothing is ever her fault and she is never wrong. He should just love her without any expectations about getting anything out of it or anything in return. Complete unconditional love without any expectations of any of his needs being met.  Campbell's theory behind all this is that men are more about the outside world and woman are more about the inner world of relationships etc. Men fumble through relationships, while woman are all about relationships. So according to Campbell if a woman is in a relationship with a man who treats her like gold and who does everything he can to please her and is not needy, she will automatically do her part to keep him happy. If it were the other way around, men would be far more likely to take advantage of the situation than woman.

Woman on the other hand, being more relationship based than men would rarely take advantage of the situation and would actually feel honor bound to reciprocate.

So in a relationship when love is about other and not about me and my needs, and "what about me?", everything naturally takes care of itself.

Obviously in the woman does take advantage of the situation, that would be justify the man ending the relationship. 

H'OPONOPONO.

What I learnt today is that we ourselves are ultimately responsible for everything that comes up in our consciousness. We are being run by the programs in our sub-conscious and everything that we experience is as a result of data playing in the sub-conscious.

It then follows that if I experience you as sick or nasty or whatever, then I am ultimately responsible for that, and that if I erase that data that I have of you and in effect heal myself, then you can no longer be that way.

The above are some of the principles applied in the ancient Hawaiian technique of H'OPNOPONO. The most well know practitioner of the techniques is Dr Ihaleakala Hew Len, who cured the entire ward for the criminally insane at the Hawaii state hospital. He did this without ever coming face to face with any of the patients in any way. All he did was review their case files and then pay attention to any feelings of revolt or anger or sadness that came up in himself as a result of reading the file and then took responsibility for whatever it was that was coming up in his own consciousness and applied the techniques of remorse, forgiveness gratitude and love to heal himself, which then effectively heals the patient.

DATA.

The data I have referred to above is data in the form of memories that we all have in us and goes back millennia. It's old, stuck, dead data that runs us. According to Dr Hew Len, this data can be "cleaned " as he calls it by constantly repeating "I love you ", "thank you", "I'm sorry", "please forgive me", and by cleaning ourselves and healing ourselves, we heal humanity, because ultimately we are all one at a fundamental level.

 

It is well known to people who follow ancient wisdom traditions that certain words are high vibrational words and raise your energetic vibrations and put you in touch with higher and faster energies in a positive way. All the phrases listed above are high energy phrases and if used regularly can only have enormously positive effect on your life and the lives of people around you.

 

Dr Joe Vitale has written a new book with Dr Hew Len, called Zero Limits, and describes in more detail how it all works.

I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you... 

 

Self directed biological transformation.

What I learnt today is that we can actually affect our gene activity through conscious choices and a healthy lifestyle.

Our genes that we inherit from our parents remain the same, but there activity can be effected by our minds and by positive activities such as meditation, healthy diet, exercise, healthy sleep and by the taking of herbal supplements such as adaptogens. Research shows that positive lifestyle changes can "switch" on good genes and "switch off" bad genes.

This means that we are no longer slaves to our DNA.

To stay up to date with the latest developments, keep an eye on the Deepak Chopra site. Very interesting research is being done is this area! 

Recommended reading: Deepak Chopra and Rudi Tanzi now have a new book out on precisely this subject. The book is called "Super Genes", and I suggest you read it.

Laughter wellness.

What I learnt today is that a system called Laughter therapy can have amazing positive effects on all aspects of one's life.

Everyone knows subjectively that laughter always makes you feel good or better than you did before you laughed. I think everyone also knows instinctively that this has to be good for you, and must have health benefits. Hence the old saying "laughter is the best medicine".

As it turns out, research backs this up, giving credence to Laughter yoga and other laughter practices. It has been shown that laughter therapy can promote wellness, help prevent diseases, lessen the impact of existing diseases. Look up Laughter online university and Laughter wellness and see some interesting research.

Physical benefits include:

Enhanced immune system, toning of the cardiovascular system, exercising of the lungs, decrease pain, decreased stress and releasing of muscle tension.

Emotional benefits include:

It breaks the cycle of negativity and improves one's mood, less stress, anxiety and depression.

Mental benefits include:

Better problem solving ability, resulting in a boost in positive attitude, more creativity and less inhibitions.

It seems the best things in life truly are free!



 

Simple kindness.

What I learnt today is that "simple kindness is the most powerful transformational force of all".

This wisdom comes from David R Hawkins, not to be confused with Stephen Hawking or Richard Dawkins.

David R Hawkins is the author of the bestseller Power vs. Force, which I recommend everyone should read at least once.

I quote him as follows :

In this interconnected universe, every improvement we make in our private world improves the world at large for everyone. We all float on the collective level of consciousness of mankind so that any increment we add comes back to us. We all add to our common buoyancy by our efforts to benefit life. What we do to benefit life automatically benefits all of us because we're all included in that which is life. We are life. it's a scientific fact that what's good for you is good for me.

Simple kindness to one's self and all that lives is the most powerful transformational force of all. It produces no backlash, has no downside, and never leads to loss or despair. It increases one's own true power without exacting any toll. But to reach maximum power, such kindness can permit no exceptions, nor can it be practiced with the expectation of some selfish reward. And its effect is as far reaching as it is subtle.

In a universe where like goes to like and birds of a feather flock together, we attract to us what we emanate. Consequences may come in unsuspected way: We're kind to the elevator man, and a year later, a helpful stranger gives us a hand on a deserted highway. An observable "this " doesn't cause an observable "that." Instead, in reality , a shift in motive or behaviour acts on a field that then produces an increased likelihood of responding in a positive way. Our inner work is like building up a bank account, but one that we can't draw from at will. The disposition of the funds is determined by a subtle energy field, which awaits a trigger to release this power back into our own lives.

Fantastic words from a fantastic book.

 

 

Be happy for no reason at all.

Today I learnt that I should be happy for no reason at all and that happiness for a reason is just another form of misery. This is so simple and yet so profound. Let's explore it a little further. Ancient wisdom traditions have long taught that happiness is found within and not in external objects or circumstances. But for the average modern mind this may sound extremely clichéd, but let me unpack this for you and its power will be revealed. Not only will its power be revealed, but it will show that the vast majority of earth's population has it all completely backwards!

Let's start with a few examples that most are familiar with, how many of the following can you apply to yourself or can you see in others?

If I can just meet the right person, then I'll be happy.
If I can just lose twenty pounds, then I'll be happy.
If I can just get that promotion, then I'll be happy.
If I can just get that Mercedes, then I'll be happy.
If I can just have an active sex life, then I'll be happy.
If I can just ... fill in the blank yourself.

Happiness for a reason is just another form of misery.

If your happiness is bound up in and dependant on external circumstances and objects, that makes it completely vulnerable and exposed to the taking away of those objects or circumstances. Right from the outset, this creates anxiety because subconsciously you know that the object or circumstance of "happiness" can be taken away from you at any time. It is completely unstable and you are relying upon other people and circumstances etc for your happiness. It is unsustainable as other people need to be mind readers (which they're not) to know what truly makes you happy, and besides, it's not really their job to make you happy and they will inevitably disappoint you even if not deliberately. If your happiness is dependant on objects, then you are forced to keep consuming, because as we all know that new car only makes you happy for two weeks.

Happiness for no reason at all.

Using some of the examples above, let me show most people have it backwards.

 

Using the first example, "if I can just meet the right person, then I'll be happy."

 

If you're happy for no reason at all, then you're much more likely to give off a completely different energy and vibe, making it much more likely that you'll meet someone suitable and someone who resonates with your energy. You are also now emotionally free and not dependant on the whims of other people for your happiness.

 

If you're in the backwards mode, as most people are, then you're likely to come across as needy and the energy you resonate will attract unsuitable people. The relationship will not last and you're stuck in a loop going from one relationship to the next or no relationship at all.

 

Let's try the next example, "If I can just lose 20 pounds, then I'll be happy.

 

If you're happy for no reason at all, you are far less likely to "comfort eat" or binge eat and weight loss will be automatic.

 

I accept that it may all sound over simplistic and easier said than done, but with practice a new mind set can be developed and new habits of thinking developed. 

 

Finally I would like to credit Deepak Chopra for this wisdom.